Granny's Got a Gun (Secret Agent Granny Book 1) Read online

“He couldn’t help it. I don’t blame him. He was just a carrier, unaffected by the disease but giving it to everyone else. The only way to stop a disease is to get rid of the carrier.”

  “So you poisoned the cake,” I said. “How?”

  Evon gave a little shrug. “It was easy enough. Eddie concentrated the poison into a few drops of liquid and put it in a small vial, small enough that I could hide it in the palm of my hand. When I pointed out the page to you, I had the vial hidden in my palm, covered with three of my fingers. As you and everyone else looked down at the page, I withdrew my hand and poured it onto the cake. Then I tucked the vial into my pocket and threw it away later.”

  “How could you handle the poison without being terrified?” I asked.

  “I was terrified. Tetrodotoxin isn’t a contact poison; it has to be ingested, but I was so worried. I wiped my hands with a handkerchief that I later threw away. And I washed my hands what felt like a thousand times. I haven’t eaten since I did it because I was afraid of touching any food that would go into my mouth. Even so, I felt sure for a time that I had poisoned myself too. That’s why I called you.”

  “But you hadn’t poisoned yourself,” I said. “In fact, you’re quite healthy. I’m afraid you’re going to have to live with this for a long, long time.”

  “Oh, if the poison doesn’t kill me, one of my other maladies will. I know I’m not long for this world, but at least I’ve made it safer for other women. I’m so sorry I had to do it this way, Gretchen, but I’ve saved you, too. Now you don’t have to worry about people trying to steal your man. I’m so sorry.”

  Evon buried her face in her hands and started sobbing once more. Gretchen slumped in a chair, staring at her with a mixture of horror and disbelief.

  I sighed. What a sad end to a life. While I understood now how lonely Evon had been, she had been a contribution to her community. She had taught for three decades, helping generations of children, and continued her work in education afterward. And all that time, her loneliness had fed her madness and led to this. She would be found guilty of first-degree murder. At her age, even the most lenient sentence a judge could give for such a crime would end up being a life sentence for her. Even worse, she’d probably be sent to a prison for the criminally insane. What a waste.

  Feeling weary, I pulled out my phone and called the police.

  Chapter 11

  Martin and I chomped down on hamburgers at his favorite fast food place. It was the second time this week that I had treated him, and he couldn’t believe his good fortune. He’d earned it for helping me crack the case, not that I could tell him that. I didn’t want him or anyone else knowing my secret.

  Well, someone knew my secret now. After all this, it was bound to come out.

  Cheerville Police Chief Arnold Grimal and I had had a long chat. I’d needed to speak with him about the details of the case and fess up to shooting Eddie. I have to say he took it well. There had been a tense moment when he said he’d have to tell the story to the press and there would have to be a court hearing concerning the Cheerville Pet Shoppe shooting. A call from the director of the CIA cleared all that up in about thirty seconds. Yes, I still have my connections there.

  The police chief saw the light of day and promised to keep my past hidden from everyone else. Eddie was shot by an “unknown intruder” and thrown in jail for all the drugs they found in his car. Evon, sadly, was also in police custody and was sure to end her days behind bars. While Gretchen knew I had solved the case, she didn’t know how or anything about my past. Being so wrapped up in her grief, she didn’t much care.

  So as far as Martin and everyone else were concerned, I was just a boring old grandmother.

  Well, not so boring at the moment. We were talking about Dragon’s Fire Book One: Dragon’s Quest. While it didn’t hold a candle to Behind Open Curtains (the characters were too young to ululate), it actually was fairly entertaining. And yes, there were internal illustrations, a disproportionate number of them of that warrior girl. Skara was her name, a skilled archer and swordswoman. Martin had a thing for her.

  “Just wait until you read book two,” he said, his eyes eager above his bacon double cheeseburger. “There’s some awesome fights in that one.”

  “I like that they all work together even though they’re from different kingdoms that are fighting.”

  “Well, it’s the adults who are making the wars. The three of them are too busy going on adventures and chasing dragons and stuff.”

  “Sounds much better than fighting a war.”

  “Unless you’re fighting Nazis or terrorists.”

  “Or drug dealers.”

  “Sure. I have an Xbox game where you shoot drug dealers. You want to try it?”

  “Um, I don’t think that’s really my thing,” I replied, blushing. “Shooting drug dealers is something best left for the young.”

  “There aren’t any drugs in the Dragon’s Fire books, but there are zombies. Actually, sort of magically cursed people who aren’t really dead so they aren’t really zombies. Pretty cool, though. Skara has a big fight with them.”

  “I haven’t come to the zombies yet.”

  “They’re in book three. Are you really going to read the whole series?”

  “Yes.”

  Martin grinned and stole some of my fries.

  “Cool!”

  I smiled and took another bite of my gloriously fattening burger. It looked like living in Cheerville wouldn’t be so bad after all. I figured after things calmed down a bit, it would go back to its usual tranquil and dull routine, but I had kept my friendship with Gretchen, was thoroughly enjoying Behind Open Curtains and had already ordered the author’s other novels, and had finally made a connection with my grandson. I guess with all that, I could handle a bit of dullness.

  Assuming nobody else got murdered in Cheerville.

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  All Books by Harper Lin

  The Secret Agent Granny Mysteries

  Granny’s Got a Gun: Book 1

  The Wonder Cats Mysteries

  A Hiss-tory of Magic: Book 1

  Pawsitively Dead: Book 2

  Cat-atrophic Spells: Book 3

  The Scariest Tail: Book 4

  Purr-fect Getaway: Book 5

  Box Set Volume I: Books 1-3

  The Pink Cupcake Mysteries

  Sweets and a Stabbing: Book 1

  A Deadly Bridal Shower: Book 2

  Food Festival and a Funeral: Book 3

  Cold Case and Cupcakes: Book 4

  The Cape Bay Cafe Mysteries

  Cappuccinos, Cupcakes, and a Corpse: Book 1

  Tea, Tiramisu, and Tough Guys: Book 2

  Margaritas, Marzipan, and Murder: Book 3

  Lattes, Ladyfingers, and Lies: Book 4

  Americanos, Apple Pies, and Art Thieves: Book 5

  The Emma Wild 4-book Holiday Series

  4-Book Holiday Series

  Killer Christmas: Book 1

  New Year’s Slay: Book 2

  Death of a Snowman: Book 3

  Valentine’s Victim: Book 4

  Complete 4-Book Box Set

  The Patisserie Mysteries

  Macaron Murder: Book 1

  Éclair Murder: Book 2

  Baguette Murder: Book 3

  Crêpe Murder: Book 4

  Croissant Murder: Book 5

  Crème Brûlée Murder: Book 6

  Madeleine Murder: Book 7

  Opera Cake Murder: Book 8

  Chocolat Chaud Murder: Book 9

  Box Set Volume I: Books 1-4

  Box Set Volume II: Books 5-8

  A Note From Harper

  Thank you so much for reading the first Secret Agent Granny mystery. If you were entertained, please recommend it to friends and family who you think would enjoy it too. I would also appreciate honest book reviews to help spread the word.

  I have 5 other cozy mystery series. If you haven�
��t read my other books and are wondering what to read next, I recommend:

  • The Wonder Cats Mysteries, about three witches trying to use their powers for good in a small town near the mystical Niagara Falls.

  Read an excerpt of book 1 at the end of this book.

  •The Pink Cupcake Mysteries: about the baker of a cupcake food truck solving mysteries in a quirky town in Oregon.

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  I’m also on Facebook, where I’ll be hosting giveaways, and posting surprise announcements and book updates.

  Follow my Pinterest boards to see the locations, fashions, and inspirations behind each book.

  You can also connect with me on Goodreads.

  If you’d like to get in touch with me directly, you can email me at [email protected]. I would love to hear what you think about the books. Do also drop me a note if you happen to catch any mistakes. While each book is edited and proofread by professionals, errors can still slip through sometimes. As an indie writer, I want to provide readers with the smoothest read possible.

  Last but not least, visit my website for the latest news and my blog.

  Thanks and much love,

  Harper

  About the Author

  Harper Lin is the USA TODAY bestselling author of 6 cozy mystery series including The Patisserie Mysteries and The Cape Bay Cafe Mysteries.

  When she's not reading or writing mysteries, she loves going to yoga classes, hiking, and hanging out with her family and friends.

  www.HarperLin.com

  Untitled

  I definitely should not be writing this down. It’s private. Not secret—no. I didn’t do anything wrong—at least, not in my opinion. It’s been crazy and surreal. You would think that as a witch, I would be used to this kind of thing by now.

  As I said, this whole experience is personal, for me alone to deal with, but I really need to let it out, you know? I can’t just keep pretending that my life is normal, especially ever since this new hot mess blew up—literally.

  I’m trying to make sense of all this, but I don’t know where to begin, and my cat keeps trying to use my open notebook as a bed when the cat bed is right there in the corner. Now he’s using my wrist as a pillow.

  I’m thirty-three years old, and I don’t know half of what I should about my own family.

  Mystery. That’s the word I’m looking for. Detective Williams just calls it a “case” and files it away neatly, but I think his partner knows a mystery when he sees one.

  My entire life has been a mystery. I don’t know how to explain to myself the secrets that my family has kept all these years… let alone untangling them for nonwitches.

  Also, there’s the mystery of Ted Lanier and his vegan poutine, which tasted better than the real thing—why didn’t we appreciate him more back when he was still with us?

  What about the mystery of Min Park? How could he have changed so much as a person? He felt like both the old friend I had known, whom I could spend hours playing games with, and an entirely different person at the same time. Do millionaire entrepreneurs play video games?

  The biggest mystery of all is my family. Some mysteries should remain hidden in the mists. This is “the wonderful town of Wonder Falls,” after all.

  My cousin and soul sister Bea could describe Wonder Falls better than I ever could. She’s a lot more like her hippie mother than she thinks, and she’s always getting on me to stop and smell the flowers blooming in the crisp Canadian springtime, to go with her on camping and fishing trips by the lake, and to see the waterfalls that the lake runs into.

  The waterfalls are magnificent. Of course, they’re big. Loud. Damp, eventually. There are three of them, and they generate enough electricity to power the whole town. Tourists come for miles just to look. As for me—well, I live close enough that I’ve just gotten used to them.

  No, no, scratch that. I was getting nostalgic about the way things used to be. Actually, I might never look at the falls the same way ever again.

  My name is Cath Greenstone, and I’m a witch.

  All the women in the Greenstone family line are witches.

  Bea’s hippie mother—my Aunt Astrid—owns the best café in town, the Brew-Ha-Ha. Bea and I grew up learning how to run it, and—I write this with all the love in the world for my beautiful and wise Aunt Astrid, who took me in after my parents died—Bea and I both think we’d run it a little differently than Aunt Astrid has.

  The fact that we’re witches is supposed to be a big secret, but Aunt Astrid is convinced that the best way to go about things is to hide in plain sight. She does fortune-telling for customers, and she talks a lot about the way “mystical energy” moves through the Universe. Yes, Aunt Astrid uses a capital U, and you can practically hear it when she pronounces the word.

  Most of the time, I fear she’s daring people to discover us. On a good day—and we’d been having so many good days until the fire—it’s reassuring to know that Aunt Astrid has been a witch for longer than all the years Bea and I have spent on this earth combined.

  Aunt Astrid can see the future, which is probably the best magical talent a witch can have because a muddy future can be dangerous and painful.

  Speaking of “dangerous and painful,” Bea’s got injury and illness covered with her witchy magical talent, which is more easily concealed. People just assume that Bea’s a naturally touchy-feely person. Then when they heal quickly, they don’t make the connection that Bea had a hand in it and just assume they were going to get healthy again anyway.

  It helps to know how the human body works, of course, so Bea’s done a lot of reading on that. She’s really smart, and she loves to study. She could have left Wonder Falls to go to university and come back with half a dozen Nobel Prizes, never mind a medical degree. Instead, she married Jake and took his name.

  I didn’t mean that to sound judgmental. Bea’s not just my family—she’s my best friend. Did I mention she was smart? I wasn’t exaggerating. Well, as long as she’s happy, I know her talents aren’t going to waste.

  Jake’s a good guy, and everyone in town can’t help but like him. He’s a good detective too, at least for the quiet, small town of Wonder Falls. However, he hasn’t detected that the Greenstone heritage involves magic powers and, therefore, his wife is a witch.

  I can communicate with animals, especially cats. I was scared of my own special magical talent at first. Now that I’m older, I really appreciate being able to communicate with Treacle, who’s become my best friend, next to Bea.

  My skill certainly came in handy on the night of the fire.

  A Hiss-tory of Magic is available everywhere